You might see your dog listed here. This is meant to be a joke and not offend
            anyone. I thought it suited each breed very well. Terry :-)

            "How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?"

            Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

            Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

            Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

            Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

            Rottweiler: Make me.

            Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .

            Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

            Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

            Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

            Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

            Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

            Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeeky toys in the dark.

            Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

            Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?

            Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover....

            Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there........

            Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

            Australian Shepherd: First I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

            Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

            Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs, I am not one of THEM, so the question is, how long will it be before I can expect my light?

            Hound: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            This is King. He was a white German Shepherd. I lost him on November 12, 2003. I got him when he was 3 weeks old and bottle fed him. It is amazing how fast twelve years can go by. When he died I told him I would see him in a minute. A minute for him but a lifetime for me.

            I have a dog named Ugly.
            I havve a dog I named "Ugly" because she was very ugly when I found her. I call her “Uggie”. She is very sweet and friendly to everyone. Even though this is not about Uggie herself, I saw so much of her personality in this story that I knew I wanted it on this page. Watch out this one is a real tear jerker! T

              "Ugly"
            Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident stray dog. Ugly loved three things in this world fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say, love. The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly.

            To start with, she had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole. She was also missing her ear on the same side, her left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making her look like she was always turning the corner.

            Her tail has long been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which she would constantly jerk and twitch.

            Ugly would have been a dark gray and black striped-type mutt, except for the sores covering her head, neck, even her shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs.
            Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY dog!!"

            All the children were warned not to touch her, the adults threw rocks at her, hosed her down, squirted her when she tried to come in their homes, or shut her paws in the door when she would not leave.

            Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on her, she would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at her, she would press her lanky body against your legs in forgiveness.

            Whenever she spied children, she would come running, whining frantically and bump her head against their hands, begging for their love.
            If you ever picked her up she would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever she could find.

            One day Ugly shared her love with the neighbor’s rottweilers. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled.
            From my apartment I could hear her screams, and I tried to rush to her aid. By the time I got to where she was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end.

            Ugly lay in a wet circle, her back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down her front.

            As I picked her up and tried to carry her home I could hear her wheezing and gasping, and could feel her struggling. I must be hurting her terribly I thought. Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear.

            Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled her closer to me, and she bumped the palm of my hand with her head, then she turned her one blue eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of soft whining. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred dog was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

            At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did she try to bite me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve her pain.

            Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held her for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly.

            Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful.

            She had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

            Many people want to be richer more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me, I will always try to be Ugly.

            This Is Roxie. An Australian Cattle Dog that I trained in the summer of 2006. This pup was very smart and very pretty.
              LUKE 16:19-31
              The Rich Man and Lazarus
            “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.

            The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. In hell, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. So he called to him, “Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in fire.”

            But Abraham replied, “Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.”

            He answered, “Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father’s house, for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.” Abraham replied, “They have Moses and the Prophets, let them listen to them.”

            “No, father Abraham”, he said, “but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.” He said to him, “ If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.”

            What does this mean?
            If you don’t listen and follow God’s teachings and laws, then you too will be sent to Hell. In hell you have all of your senses and can see your loved ones and others in heaven. This adds to your torment!

            Why would you want to go to hell?
            Ask Jesus into your heart to be your personal savior. Follow his ways and live according to the word of God and you will not have to face such a horrible place for all eternity.

            We are living in End Times!
            All of the signs of the time point toward Jesus returning to the Earth in the not far off future.
            If you have not ever studied Revelation in the bible, join a bible study that teaches what it means. You will see what is happening today being foretold in this last book of the Holy Bible.
            I am not preaching at you or trying to make you feel guilty for what you may or may not have done. I am not judging you either. I am a sinner, who Jesus has forgiven. That does not mean that I don’t make mistakes. I do everyday! But I have peace of mind knowing that when I die, I will go to heaven.

            Will you join me in heaven or would you rather live in torment for the rest of whatever?
            Thank You,
            Terry

              DO I GO HOME TODAY?

            My family brought me home cradled in their arms. They cuddled me and smiled at me and said I was full of charm. They played with me and laughed with me and showered me with toys. I sure do love my family, especially the little girls and boys. The children loved to feed me; they gave me special treats. They even let me sleep with them - all snuggled in the sheets. I used to go for walks, often several times a day. They even fought to hold the leash, I'm very proud to say.

            These are the things I'll not forget - a cherished memory. I now live in the shelter - without my family. They used to laugh and praise me when I played with that old shoe. But I didn't know the difference between the old one and the new.

            The kids and I would grab a rag, for hours we would tug. So I thought I did the right thing when I chewed the bedroom rug. They said that I was out of control and would have to live outside. This I didn't understand, although I tried and tried.

            The walks stopped, one by one; they said they hadn't time. I wish that I could change things; I wish I knew my crime. My life became so lonely in the backyard, on a chain. I barked and barked all day long to keep from going insane.

            So they brought me to the shelter but were embarrassed to say why. They said I caused an allergy, and then they each kissed me goodbye. If I'd only had some training as a little pup. I wouldn't have been so hard to handle when I was all grown up.

            "You only have one day left", I heard the worker say. Does that mean I have a second chance? Do I go home today?

            This is what happens when well meaning people do not get thier puppy obedience trained! It is NEVER the puppy's fault for chewing things up or using the bathroom in the house. YOU taught YOUR puppy to do these by not correcting it or taking it outside often enough. If you don't know how to train a puppy, find an obedience trainer in your area! PLEASE DON'T LET YOUR PUPPY DOWN by not having it trained. After all you send your children to school to learn how to behave and to give them knowledge. Why not your puppy?

              The Greatest Pet Ever!
            A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.

            The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"

            The owner says, "How about a cat?"

            The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"

            The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!"

            The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede."

            He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen."

            Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.

            He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."

            Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!"

            Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper."

            The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later...no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later...no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what's going on. So he goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting right outside.

            The man says, "Hey!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!"

            The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just putting on my shoes!"

              Revelation 21:6-8
            He said to me: “ It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this. And I will be his God and he will be my son. But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars-their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur.

            This is the second death.”

              The Dog
            A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again.

            He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth.

            The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."

            The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth.

            The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.

            The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.

            The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable.

            The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.

            Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

            The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following.

            They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door.

            He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again! There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

            The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?

            This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for Heaven's sake!" To which the guy responds, "Clever, my eye. This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

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